Abstract: There have been many attempts to create the longest webpage possible. Until now, Longcat seemed to have produced the definitive work in this area. However, with the advent of advanced technologies, including the so-called "Javascript", it has been possible to create what we believe to be the final word in elongate digital media. An interesting side-effect of our work is that it serves as a chronometer. One possible application of this serendipitous happenstance is in the accurate mensuration of procrastination.